The Quarter Life Crisis

well maybe it's not a crisis...more like an irritatingly nagging concern about the fact that i'm going to be 25 in less than a month. it's the all too uncomfortable realization that, in spite of my declaring to be a Toy R Us kid forever, that i have to grow up. it's the thoughts that i try my hardest to push aside on my morning ride into work about where i would like to be in the next 5 years. it's planning for a future that isnt promised, isnt certain, and is subjective to a variety of known and unknown variable.

um...this sucks.

not that im depressed about it or anything...i'm glad ive made it this far and i figure i can only keep going up *crosses fingers and spins around 3 times* but it seems like, for me, this is a point in my life where i have to think critically about what i want to do with my life. im not thinking 10 years ahead...no no, that's too hard...i'll just think ahead 5 and take it from there.

and as uncertain things seem to be at times, ive got to say that i feel ok knowing that ive got some semblance of a plan. that from working my way backwards from my goals...i can see what steps i might need to take to get me where i want to be. so im not afraid of my future at all, but the fact that im the one responsible for myself and my own personal growth has given me somethings to consider.

i know i need to go back to school. do i want to go back to school? eh, not particularly, just because it's so expensive, but i do welcome the chance to learn new things and interact with other bright minds. i'll be trying to get my mind geared towards GRE prep so that i'll be ready for it come next year. i need to get myself back into that college way of thinking....the standardized tests, the personal statement, the fasfa, the loans (ugh...the loans). ive been outta school going on 3 years now, and i can see why folks who tell you to finish up your schooling while you're still young...because once you get out into the 'world' and are working full time and are carving out some kind of a social life for yourself the idea of school, books, tests, studying...yea, not too appealing.

but i will conquer.

of course the yearnings for the stable relationship are present as i figure i'll want to start a family within the next decade or so. but...lack of prospects and a rather short tolerance for nonsense on my part has continued to push those yearnings down, down, down, lol.

i dont plan on moving from the area anytime soon...i actually like northern VA...if i were to move anywhere out of VA, it would have to be somewhere further south, and i know im not even ready to begin realistically thinking about doing that. so for now i will continue to daydream about my summer home by a nice lil river down in Savannah.

career...well i know i want to stay in the non-profit world. (YES!) but i dont want to take graphic design on professionally...at least i dont want to work for anyone else - i like freelancing and would like to see my freelancing business expand in the years to come. but when it comes to the 9-5, i think the non-profit sector is where i'll be. ideally...id love to have a job with flexible hours...where i'm not always behind a desk staring at a computer screen...something where life and work can come together as one, but id still be able to leave my work at work at the end of the day. i dont want to be a slave to the workforce. i want to have some kind of creative and academic freedom to just do whatever it is i'm doing, knowing that the work is fullfilling, doing some kind of good for a cause larger than myself, and pays me well (hey, i can dream)

so in a nutshell thats a glimpse into some of the things going on in my head as of late. i wont even begin to talk about my musings on religion. might have to save that post for another day.

Peace
CBrava