Thursday, May 03, 2007

And THIS Is Why I Get Stuck

I don’t know where to start…I guess the main thing is that with all this new technology and constant influx of news and blogs and web magazines…there’s just TOO much information for me to process right now. I stopped reading blogs and newspapers for awhile. Not out of disinterest, but more so out of necessity for my sanity. There’s just too much to comment on…too much to think about…to many things to be concerned about. It’s hard to pick and choose what’s worth enough to blog about or to discuss with those few people in one’s circle that can handle intellectual conversations.

Dear Lord my head is swimming right now.

I had a wonderful conversation with a college buddy last night about my generation. Long story short, it left me feeling revived and encouraged to hear a peer, someone I know, doing positive things on a global scale. Talking through the various issues in the news now…we covered everything from Imus to Iraq and STILL had room for more convo, and had it not been for our own schedules I’m sure we could have gone on…but I digress.

I came to work today with the intent to get back into the swing of things. To see what people ‘out there’ are saying, to find the voices that I can identify with and issues that I also have an interest in. I spent the larger portion of my time at work today surfing the web, reading blogs, reading various news bytes…and THAT is why my head is swimming. In a world like this where ‘information’ is so readily available (albeit sometimes biased), it’s hard to pin down that one story, that one instance that you really want to take a deeper look at. Where does one truly begin?

And THAT is why I get stuck.

I’ve got a bad case of I-am-every-woman-it’s-all-in-me. I want to do it all, save everyone, comment on all things, and just…bleh. It’s not smart, feasible, or healthy, but nonetheless that is where I’m coming from. I’d even stopped writing poetry for awhile. I haven’t written since November, and that’s a long time for me. I’ve just stopped because I told myself I wanted to ‘listen’ and to absorb all that’s going on in the world. While there is truth in that I think that I also stopped because I was waiting for something, anything to give me fuel to say/write something that was worthwhile. Like I needed someone else to validate my own thoughts and emotions…I ought to slap myself for that mess. But now that I’m coming out of that quiet stage…I realize that these days it’s tough to discern which causes we support…there are so many to choose from. Part of what I came away from last night’s conversation with my friend was this: in spite of the desire to ‘heal the world,’ we can’t do it all in one smooth swoop. What we can do is find that one cause that really hits home…the one that strikes down to the core of our being, and make an effort to focus our energies in that singular direction.

I’m trying…really I am.

Still haven’t nailed it down, but I’m in the ball park. I know that God blessed me with certain gifts/skills – He gave them to each of us. I think I know what some of mine are, but I’m still at that point where it’s like…’Ok…now what?’ Even without an answer, I know what I want to and need to do…I need to read more. As much as I find myself being overwhelmed by all the opinions and stories floating out there, I’ve gotta get back into the habit of keeping up with what’s going on in the world…of what’s pertinent to my own interests and will help me to grow.

Like I said…I’m trying…but it still makes my head hurt to think of all that’s going on, and the desire to catch up on it all exceeds the human capacity of being able to process all that information. Even now the words on the screen are starting to look a little weird and I’m getting that funny little lump in my throat and the throbbing at the front of my forehead that let’s me know I’m on overload. It’s time for a dose of Mother Nature…I’ve got to get away from here for a minute.


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